Finding love

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To live is like to love, all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. So go for it!

The following advice is derived from reading several books authored by psychologists, psychiatrists, communication experts, and even the Dali Lama. The information is backed by scientific studies, thousands of years of teachings, personal experience, and my personal experiences. 


Know & be confident about yourself!

Be Caring and Giving to others

Know You have Total Control how you react to anything, what your perspective is, how much something is going to affect you... if you realize you have that control and USE IT! 

This is TRUE for everyone. It isn't a theory or a supposition, it is a scientifically proven fact. You are in Control of what you think and how much something affects you. You control how you look at things, your perspective, and how you react to everything in life. When someone "angers" you, you are really just allowing that to happen. 

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. -- William Jennings Bryan

Care about others, have compassion, loving kindness. And be open-minded! When you do you will really listen to others, and they in turn will be open to you. This with commitment makes for a good start in a relationship.

Make your actions match your words, and both match your head and heart. - Gregg

Know what you want and what others want!

On average, across cultures the most desirable traits are:

  1. Kind and understanding
  2. Intelligent
  3. Exciting personality
  4. Healthy
  5. Emotionally stable and mature
  6. Dependable character
  7. Pleasing disposition
  8. Good looks (ranked higher by males)
  9. Good financial prospect (ranked higher by females)
  10. Virginity (ranked higher by males)

Taken from survey data (Buss 1994, 1995).

What college students want most in their partner:

  1. Kind and understanding
  2. Exciting personality
  3. Intelligent
  4. Physically attractive (more important for men than women)
  5. Healthy
  6. Easygoing
  7. Creative
  8. Wants children
  9. College graduate
  10. Good earning capacity (more important for women than men)

Taken from survey data (Buss 1994, 1995) of unmarried college students.

Importance of love in who you marry differs across cultures. Love is:

#1 in the United States

#3 in Iran, with education, intelligence, ambitino and chastity (virginity) being more important.

#4 in Nigeria, with good health, refinement/neatness, desire for home and children being more important.

#6 in China, with good health, chastity (virginity), and homemaker being ranked higher.

#7 in South Africa-Zulu, with such things as emotionally stable, mature, dependable being ranked higher than love.

In nearly every culture, women are more stringent in their standards acroos a wide range of characteristics. This, some anthropologists say, is because they spend more time in caring for the children.

Resource for this information: Introduction to Psychology, by Rod Plotnk.5th Edition 1999.